Writing Samples

Pennies from heaven
by Kevin Dowler

This is it, the money tree has bent its branches down to within my reach this week.

Or so a money making program that promises me riches beyond my dreams says.

Sure, it resembles the notorious chain letter schemes one hears about, but this one has got to be legitimate.

It promises riches without the hard labour that stops many of us from attempting the unreachable money tree.

And the letter includes testimonies from honest folks that used the program and wrote their testimonies from beautiful places like Florida and Hawaii.

With only the minimum of investment to cover printing costs, stamps, envelopes and not to mention my time, the testimonies ensure me of the riches that could be mine.

But could this be true, riches with no work?

Sitting wearing a warm sweater on in my chilled apartment, to save money on the heating bill, I notice the scheme offered seems to cost more than it may pay back.

After paying for 200 copies of the three letters in the report and the $68 for stamps, the $50 for envelopes and the $40 to the names on the manuscript list I am promised to have my mailbox filled with five dollar bills.

The manuscript list is the names of who you can send your five dollars to receive more copies of the same three letters under different titles.

So after I spend about $200 I might get five bucks in my mail box providing some other sucker decides to send away five bucks to four guys he doesn’t know.

The only sure money makers of the scheme is the printers and Canada Post.

The letters are hard to read because they have been reprinted so many times by people that are too lazy to retype the letters before having them copied.

Are these the folks I am expected to send five of my hard earned dollars to? I wouldn’t walk up to a stranger on the street and give him five dollars expecting to receive more in return.

But all is not lost for there are many other schemes available for the innocent by other institutions offering an easy fortune.

There are many ways and people ready to offer a quick and easy method to become rich, all toting the phrase, “It takes money to make money.”

Sure it does, but why not use their own instead of bugging us for ours.

If it is such a good investment why don’t they keep it to themselves and earn themselves more money?

But they are always the good businessmen who wants to share this wealth with you, after an amount of sharing by you.

If you want to get rich fast stick to the lotteries and stay away from snake oil salesmen with low-investment high-profit business offers who write their testimonies from beautiful places like Florida and Hawaii.

The letter threatens that the middle class is crumbling into the lower and to save your family you must join the program.

Of course, chain letters never work with people like me around.

I have never even attempted to continue a chain letter and I am sure there are many others that don’t, even though this is the first chain letter I have received that promises money.

The others have promised luck if continued and doom if broken.

In my ignorance of the chain I have ruined the fortunes of those depending on me to continue the chain, leaving myself to the prophesied destruction of the middle class. I will, at least , have the comfort of my hoarded five dollar bills I never sent away.