Writing Samples

The loon does its part
by Kevin Dowler

A Gavia Immer in the hand is worth two in the bush, they say.

Gavia Immer, is, of course as you know, the Common Loon, the newest Canadian animal to become immortalized on Canadian currency.

Out goes the paper and in comes the metal.

Once again it will be possible to buy a bottle of pop with a single coin.

Or to be able to walk up to the bar, flip a single coin into the palm of the bartender and receive a draft beer and change.

Sure, your pockets may be a little heavier but that’s all a part of the same plan to get Canadians spending again.

What better way to get money out of people’s pockets and into circulation than making it heavier.

Clothing sales will also increase since people’s pockets will be wearing out more often because of increased wear from the coins.

How much richer a man feels when his pockets are dragging him down because of his wealth.

A rich man spends more and thus the Canadian economy booms again.

Trade will increase with all of the currency collectors buying the first issue coins at $1.05 and hoarding up the old bills for $1.06.

Already the value of the dollar increases.

Except in the United States, that is.

In some U.S. towns the new dollar coin has dropped in value right down to zero.

That’s right. Nothing. Some Yankee merchants are refusing to accept the coin as legal currency.

Even some U.S. banks are refusing the coin. They say it costs them more to process the coin than Canadian dollar bills.

To help make their point, the Yankee merchants and bankers are offering better rates of exchange on Canadian dollar bills than coins.

The coin, coined the loonie, maybe getting more excitement than the government planned.

If I was visiting a U.S. town and was told by the storekeeper my coins were only worth 70 U.S. cents but my bills were worth 80 U.S. cents, the merchant would quickly learn about the real call of the Canadian loon.

The field guide to western birds calls the loon’s voice a weird yodeling or maniacal laughter, and that sounds about what that merchant would hear as I demonstrate on him how well the coin conveniently stores inside one’s ear.

The government says the design by Canadian artist Robert Ralph Carichael was inspired by the Canadian fauna but we know better.

The loon’s call is more representative of the Canadian population than any of other animals depicted upon our currency.

After a few hendecagonal (eleven sided) dollar coins’ worth of beer every real Canadian begins to sound off his maniacal laughing leading into the falsetto wailing loon call.

Near the end of a Canadian summer party it is also a common occurrence to hear the last survivors at the barbeque break into their ringing ha-oo-oo night loon call.

Occasionally the call of a real loon may be heard even in the United States but most often it will be a lost

Canadian wandering through the streets of California with a pocket full of dollar coins with no one willing to take them in trade.

Even with the Canadian government’s claim of the coin being practical and legal tender to facilitate our daily cash transactions, the coins are circulating slowly.

Going off on a buying splurge with my pockets full of dollar coins, every store I spent them in the tellers exclaimed, “This is our first loonie,” while calling over their co-workers to see the strange piece of nickel.

Some people are storing them away in safety deposit boxes and some already entering them in coin collection boxes but no one is spending them

Perhaps they will get a curse or like the $2 bills and never touch the hand of some Canadians.

Or perhaps the government will decide since no one wants to spend dollar coins or to touch two dollar bills they will both be cancelled and will then settle on a five dollar coin.

I like the coin. Just imagine the feeling of throwing gold coins into the pot at poker games, going to

Loonie Day sales at shopping malls and most of all finding a dollar coin on the street.

Coins are always lost more than bills so keep your eyes open.

It’s up to Canadians like us to get the coin into circulation, so go to your bank, fill your pockets with Loonies and go shopping.