Writing Samples

You’ll be surprised.
by Kevin Dowler

I felt a little queasy for the first couple of months, then the lower back pain started, and now I seem to have gained weight over the last eight months.

My doctor says it’s nervousness but my wife says it’s the prenatal father syndrome.

"The what?" you may ask as I did. Dauminique, my wife, read it in one her many how to books on alternate child rearing techniques.

The syndrome is caused when the father subconsciously takes on the physical changes that his prenatal wife is going through.

These can include stomach cramps, swollen feet, cravings and the secret little smile of the expecting mother.

The book said the expecting father at, times may even feel as if he is carrying the child. Balderdash, I thought.

That was until the other night when in my half asleep state I could have sworn I felt a kick in my belly. I quickly came to reason, though, when I awoke with my cat Fred nudging me for his midnight snack.

Midnight snacks have not been part of my cravings but a strange liking for saltwater taffy has arisen in me, although I never remember liking it before. Dauminique seems to have no strange cravings like mine except maybe the one for jam and relish with her mashed potatoes.

I did have a few mornings of nausea in the first few months of my wife’s pregnancy. That was when I first mentioned my experience of the syndrome to Dauminique.

She said that the fact I was out celebrating with friends the night before might have more to do with my nausea than the prenatal father syndrome.

Rising to rebut her denial of my awareness of my fatherhood I quickly dropped back into bed feeling another onrush of the syndrome.

Still feeling a bit queasy at the time I thought I would argue my point when the syndrome had released its hold on me.

Then my back started to give me pain in the middle of the night. Never having had back pain before and also never having had any hard labour to explain its appearance I knew this must be the syndrome making itself known to me.

I walked in pain, proud to know that I was helping to share the burden and pain my wife had been going through for the past eight months.

At the same time as my back pain began, my, new Italian back slanted shoes began to be too tight. A second symptom of the syndrome, obviously, and now I was starting to believe the book’s claim.

I quit wearing my slant back shoes and within a few days my back pain had gone. I told my wife I knew it was the syndrome, it was not because of ill fitting shoes.

She said she believed me this time, but told me to wear my runners to cushion my steps. She was right.

With the comfort of the softer soled shoes my back pain has not returned.

My first craving is coming on so I’m off to the grocery store to buy some Spanish tofu to have with my afternoon scone and tea.